Ranking the Trump Cabinet's new TikTok accounts
In what world does the Treasury Department need vertical video?
Ronald Reagan was wrong. The nine most terrifying words in the English language are:
“I’m from the government, and I’m doing Tiktok trends!”
Boy, would I kill to be a fly on the wall when some Gen Z staffer handed this social media mandate down in the Cabinet Room. I’m imagining room-wide adoption Scott Bessent’s trademarked blank stare, followed by reluctant agreement and panicked phone calls to their college-age children for advice.
Almost 20 new government TikTok accounts popped up this week. That may sound like a sophisticated, orchestrated launch, but “creation date” is pretty much where the coordination stops. Aesthetic similarities are limited to a shared addiction to adding a VHS-style filter on everything. The common format linking all channels can only be described as promotional highlight reel or dramatic infomercial.
(Of course, none of them are running their own accounts, but that only strengthens my desire to shell out thousands of dollars for a chance to see these secretaries record, edit, and post a video on their own.)
By the authority vested in me (from watching all 126 videos posted across these accounts so far), I’m releasing the official ranking of the 19 new government agency TikTok accounts.
First, some notes: This does not include pre-existing (@whitehouse, @cabinet) or personal accounts (RFK Jr., for example). Trump and Vance, also excluded. Also, I’m taking four of the new accounts out of the official ranking. Here’s why:
@fbi — 2,830 followers, two posts: a horizontal clip of Kash Patel’s post-World Cup video + a clip of a Fox News appearance. Not taking it seriously right now.
@justicedepartment — 31,000 followers, 10 posts: most of these videos are repurposed from other channels
@hhsgov — 3,100 followers, 3 posts: low volume + RFK will come into play later
@nasa — 46,000 followers, 9 posts: NASA has such a pre-existing fan base, not fighting in the content swamp like everyone else
Also, while I don’t think that most of these agencies should be content farms, I especially believe that about the first two in the list above, due to the covert or private nature of their operations. The rest of these agencies are required, on some level, to be public-facing and should be encouraged to keep their mass communication consistent with the times.
I’d go so far as to say that meeting Americans where they are online — in an effort to make sure we can access the basic information we need — is a requirement of good governance these days. But utilizing TikTok only as an avenue to entertain erases its value as a mechanism to educate.
Two days in, the new government accounts are wholly missing their opportunity to enforce some narrative control over initiatives that have lost support, especially among their base. These TikTok accounts should, in practice, give them the opportunity to sell the administration’s initiatives ahead of the midterms. Does effective propaganda mean nothing anymore? I guess not, when everything is television.
FROM WORST TO BEST
15: Department of Education | 6,100 followers — 13 posts — 10,000 likes
What are we even still doing here? How is the DOE posting from beyond the grave? Has anyone told Linda McMahon what TikTok is? Does she think it’s a new clock-themed performer debuting at Wrestlemania? Possible! Looking at this account, there are more questions than answers.
Tribute video count: Trump: 2 / Herself: 2
Lowlight: AI slop of a french bulldog surfing, surrounded by flying turtles and dolphins (112 likes)
Highlight: I guess the WWE-intro style videos promoting her and Trump are relevant to her brand?
14: Small Business Administration | 5,600 followers — 11 posts — 11,700 likes
Here’s the thing. Whoever is running this account for Kelly Loeffler is really trying. But one thing to know about Loeffler is that every attempt she’s made at being relatable has failed. It’s the reason she lost what people thought would be a shoo-in Senate race in GA back in 2021. It’s gonna be an uphill battle on the ~relatability~ app.
Tribute video count: Trump: 2 / Herself: 3
Lowlight: The autopopulated search recommendation on a video of her walking on stage to give a speech is: “Who is the woman in this video?” … yikes. One of the burdens of this role is that no one knows what it is. An introduction would be wise.
Highlight: They’re at least trying to fit into the algo through popular references and trends — Netflix doc, Jimothy hype
13: Department of Energy | 6,800 followers — 9 posts — 14,600 likes
Another uphill battle, being a B-list secretary. Chris Wright, anyone familiar? Well, the strategy here seems to be to sell the secretary more than anything he’s working on. It’s very flattering. Perhaps too flattering. It will come in handy for whatever job he applies for next.
Tribute video count: Trump: 2 / Himself: 3 / Coal: 2
Lowlight: The debut video is set to “Power” by Kanye West, one of the more political songs in his entire discography. Maybe the most palpable lyric in the whole song: “No one man should have all that power.” Quite the oversight here!
Highlight: A supercut of Donald Trump’s years-long personal vendetta against windmills and wind power. Love him or hate him, it’s a classic.
12: Department of Homeland Security | 14,500 followers — 14 posts — 19,000 likes
I don’t have a lot to say about this, because I’ve already written a lot about DHS content operations, as have many others. Their foray into TikTok is more of the same: staged raids, deportation clips, dramatic voiceovers, and nostalgia plays.
Tribute video count: Trump: 1 / Himself: 0 (Sec. Mullin’s account comes up later)
Lowlight: Americans are getting increasingly frustrated with ICE brutality, and masks remain a constant sticking point. Agents’ faces are blurred out in all posts, just gonna fuel that fire.
Highlight: Being completely objective, they have created a very identifiable visual style that is easy to spot in an endless scroll feed.
11: Department of Labor | 4,400 followers — 7 posts — 6,100 likes
Sorry, I know it’s my job to know this, but even sometimes I’m like … who is that. Is this the first time in my life I’ve seen this man? Keith Sonderling? Sure!
Tribute video count: Trump: 1 / Himself: 1
Lowlight: None of the clips on his page use the same font, design, graphics, style anything. Very low vibrations, visually.
Highlight: Going on a limb to say I think he’s never filmed a video like this before. He is thinking so hard about what word comes next, it’s almost worrisome. But that’s the spirit! His energy is high, he’s young, this could work.
10: Department of Transportation | 6,100 followers — 10 posts — 10,300 likes
Is it fair to say I was expecting more from someone who made a name for themselves in the wild west of MTV reality television?
