Can’t even wear glasses without being politically profiled 🙄
It's 2025 — of course Democrats are carefully creating aesthetic video filters and Republicans are pushing for public executions.
I’m not even a little bit kidding that a growing group of people on the Right believe glasses are the new blue hair signature of the Left. And I haven’t seen anyone break this down yet, so I’m feeling extra excited to pull this thread from the beginning. Elsewhere in the edition: a next-gen Kennedy joins the family business and the vice president wants you to know how much of a shit he doesn’t give.
FROM THE RIGHT WING:
MAGA MEDIA PARADIGM: Conservative content accepts the premise that “the biggest story in the country” can also be something “no one is talking about.” Tim Pool walks this line in his coverage of the murder of Ukrainian refugee Iryna Zarutska. Charlie Kirk set up a contrast to coverage of George Floyd. Benny Johnson wants to start “hunting down” judges who enabled the perpetrator. Dave Rubin zeroes in on white people “being hunted.” Steven Crowder played a song with “it’s always the random Blacks” as the chorus. And Matt Walsh wants public executions.
UTTERLY EYE-CATCHING: I don’t really know how to explain this ... but I’m tracking a theory (?) bubbling that argues all liberals have a tell and that tell is just wearing glasses. I first noticed it in response to the Cracker Barrel CEO’s thick-rimmers. Then the “glasses test” popped up in my research for this edition. And it was used as proof that the woman who stole a kid’s ball at a Phillies game had to be liberal because she wears — you guessed it — glasses. I wonder what this means for me ...
STAYING GROUNDED: Jessica Kraus, major RFK Jr. ally and author of the #2 trending Substack in culture, claims to offer coverage of “quality conspiracy theories.” I’ll let you be the judge of that based on her Instagram stories after the latest Epstein file drop. She blames therapy that “convinced” women they were victims, media for being a “co-conspirator,” and the women themselves: “Maybe stop boarding the flights that take you to [the] island.”
BROADER APPEAL: Ben Shapiro is on his book tour, paying visits to the usual suspects like Megyn Kelly, Clay Travis & Buck Sexton. But in the past 4 days, he seems to be targeting new audiences. He linked with Charlamagne and Co at The Breakfast Club and ran back another chat with Stephen A. Smith. But what makes me think this is strategic and deliberate: His interview at The Free Press went to Coleman Hughes over his buddy Bari Weiss.
FROM THE LEFT WING:
LIFE DURING WARTIME: Online liberals are rhetorically raging over our new Dept. of War. They’re dragging Pete Hegseth for featuring the word “war” on his IG seven times and being drunk on power. Lots of call out to Trump’s “pro-peace” posture on the campaign. The font nerds are absolutely sniping the ugly graphic design. And, of course, an opportunity to roast their own leadership is never to be missed.
VAN-DRIVEN VANGUARD: The only way to describe JFK’s grandson Jack Schlossberg is utterly, relentlessly weird. He peaked at the DNC in 2024, but reached thermonuclear levels of “what do I do with myself” in his newish YouTube show that’s entirely filmed in a van. IDK, truly. So the natural next step had to be running for office — Kennedys can only resist it so long. His announcement regarding NY-12 just said “have formed an exploratory committee.” 👍 let us know.
WELCH’S BRUTE SNACKS: There are two things the Democratic base agrees on these days: Party Chair Ken Martin absolutely sucks. And a blonde, middle-aged, Bible Belt insurgent might be the party’s savior. Jennifer Welch, one half of the “I’ve Had It” podcast, has reached such heights that a video ripped from her podcast, posted on Twitter, of her discussing a congressman no one knows or cares about, has 450k views. We’re at the point where even full-blown lefties (even in jest) are floating her for DNC chair. Imagine party-sanctioned “Cankles McTaco Tits” merch?
REGRETABLE: Of all the unexpected headlines influencers make in 2025, this could be the winner. Activist Greta Thunberg’s flotilla stocked with aid heading toward Gaza was hit by an apparent drone strike Monday night. What I didn’t know is that mega-popular Instagram influencer Quentin Quarantino was also on board. His videos from the attack have netted almost 5M views on IG alone in 17 hours.
THE PEOPLE IN CHARGE:
IN THREE PARTS: First, JD Vance says “killing cartel members” is the “best use of our military.” Literally 60 seconds later — slow morning, I guess — he says to a liberal influencer calling out war crimes, “I don’t give a shit what you call it.” Breakfast was a bit salty, eh? Finally, Sen. Rand Paul wonders if JD has ever read “To Kill A Mockingbird,” because old politicians live permanently in a world of using 20th-century references to appeal to one’s better angels. Fin.
TRICKLE-DOWN AESTHETICS: NYC mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani popularized picking a campaign aesthetic and sticking with it. You can tell it’s his video by its color grading, without pressing play. And we’re finally starting to see the downstream effects: James Talarico announced his campaign for Senate in Texas with a very vintage veneer that could only be described as Rockwellian. U.S. Senate candidate in Michigan, Mallory McMorrow, dropped her new amber-hued spot that also takes up Zohran’s affordability mantle. Seen a third? Send it to me!
HIRE A FACT-CHECKER: Official government accounts have had two incredible fuck ups this week. First, the Dept. of Energy got swiftly community noted for calling wind & solar tech “essentially worthless when it is dark outside, and the wind is not blowing.” And then we got a White House tweet and delete about Pete Hegseth. While he does have two bronze stars, they were not earned for valor in combat.
LOOSE ENDS:
📝 Word I learned today: neurogenesis
1 : the process by which new neurons are formed in the brain — “some research is emerging connecting certain psychedelics to neurogenesis ... a phenomenon that could be highly beneficial after a damaging blow to the head.” (via John Semley, Wired)
🥹 Something to make you smile today: Fresh off her massively meme-worthy trial (which she won), Cardi B is out on the streets of New York selling her new album off a blanket on the ground. This is so specifically NYC, like I pass a guy weekly with this exact set up, in the tunnel on the 6th Ave L stop. “My label made me do it” is a tried and true gag. I will be listening.
📰 Something you should read today: Yet ANOTHER Right-Wing Payola Media Scandal! — False Flag, Will Sommer
“I’ve written before about the trend of right-wing influencers who suspiciously get very into niche policy issues in ways that are suspiciously beneficial to big businesses, as with Laura Loomer’s sudden embrace of the intricacies of Venezuelan oil sanctions policy. But [Elijah] Schaffer’s is on another level.”
🕵️ Someone you should know today: I am here to evangelize about the Yale School of Public Health’s Instagram ... especially now. They’re making these carousels designed to send to your group chats to identify which “aesthetic” you are. This one on “which childhood vaccine you are” has 240,000 likes. Public health can be cute.
Just ordered my new frames that were very expensive. I’ll be damned if anyone is going to pigeon hole my political leanings because I want to see clearly.